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Your taste of life in Paris and France
ParlerParis.com
Wednesday, October 6, 2010 • Paris, France
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Dear Parler Paris Reader,
I'm back in Gray Gay Paree with a slight case of jet lag and larger dose of nostalgia. The jet lag is explicable. The nostalgia deserves a bit more reflection and explanation.
There is no doubt that after three weeks Stateside it was easier to settle in and feel a little less of an 'alien' every day than during previous shorter trips as I became accustomed to certain American cultural 'default modes'* -- those of which I particularly like and those for which I have disdain and for which I appreciate the French.
* "Default Mode" - a term used by Ruth Mastron and Gilles Asselin in "Au Contraire: Figuring Out the French": "Computer programmers use the term to describe what the computer does if it is not given specific instructions. Using this as a metaphor, we can think of our own culture as our default mode. When we look at another culture’s values and behaviors, we are unconsciously comparing them to our own default mode and judging them accordingly."
Basically, I really like Americans. In every city I visited, and in general, they are friendly, open to strangers, have a good sense of humor, are optimistic and happy. Even with such a difficult economy, the outlook is bright and they seem to take it for what it is knowing that the future will be better.
I would have to admit that the French don't exhibit many of these qualities, as there is always that critical and negative aspect to their thinking we have come to understand, but not necessarily like. For example, "pas mal" (not bad) actually means "very good" and "pourquoi pas" (why not?) actually means "yes, of course." While we Americans might think these are negative statements, the French believe these are very positive. Go figure.
It is well known that casual friends can be more easily made in the U.S. while in France, it will be harder to break the acquaintance barrier, but when you make friends in France, you make them for life. Still, in all the cities to which I traveled, it was easy to put a large group of friends together, including those who were meeting others for the first time, and know that they would mingle, have a great time getting to know one another, and perhaps remain in contact or become friends as a result. I'm not so sure parties like these would have been as successful in France, as the French generally talk more about topics than about themselves personally in these situations and make little progress toward getting to know one another from the outset. Americans living in France will all tell you how difficult it is to make French friends.
When it comes to customer service, the U.S. merchants and their employees are THE BEST at making you feel as if you are appreciated as a customer. There is no doubt that the store policies are designed to keep the customer, rather than make the sale, and they have determined that their bottom line will be better even if it costs something on the front end as long as it translates to more business on the back end. And it does.
Boy, the French really need to take lessons on this! It was very spoiling to be taken care of so well in just about any sales situation. For example, I received a refund on a non-refundable item without even asking for it at the U.S. store "Best Buy." That's American customer service for you with a capital S.
My first dinner back in Paris last night we asked to change the sauteed potatoes for green beans in one of my favorite restaurants. We were told they couldn't do it, but they would add the green beans and there would be a supplemental charge for that. In the U.S., no problem. Change anything you want and don't expect the restaurant to charge you for the change.
The bad news is that the wait people in the States still insist on telling you their names even though we really don't care (one went so far as to write his name on the paper table cloth using two colors of crayon and writing it upside down so that we could read it better!), the portions are enough for two and the restaurants are so loud you have to scream to hear the people you're with, not to mention the headache and sore throat you get as a result. Yes, I missed those quiet, intimate French bistrots.
This brings me to noise level -- one of the things most difficult to become accustomed to in the States. The noise on the streets can be deafening, particularly in New York City, but worse is the noise level in every restaurant, every store, everywhere. Surfaces are hard so sounds bounce around, background music is turned up so it is no longer background, and everyone speaks very loudly with no thought of everyone hearing them or that they may be disturbing others. They simply don't care and aren't self-aware.
The moment I arrived at the gate of the Air France flight, made up of mostly French, everything went quiet. The flight was quiet. People were not yelling over the seats to each other or at their children (often!). Landing at Charles de Gaulle Airport, waiting for baggage, no one was speaking or creating much commotion. It was a totally different experience from the five American city airports to and from which I traveled where it was all more chaotic and...yes, noisier.
The security checks at U.S. airports could put you off flying forever. I saw babies' shoes being removed to be scrutinized for what, I'm not sure. I was reprimanded by one agent for one of my shoes (off as instructed and placed in a bin, of course) having fallen on to the computer sitting in the same bin. "Quelle horreur!" At passport control they interrogated me because of my French "Carte de Résident" -- how dare I go and live in another country! They certainly don't make you feel welcome entering the U.S. while in France the agent barely looked at my passport before stamping it and I don't believe he ever even noticed the Carte de Résident.
At the end of three weeks, I realized that when in the States, I still yearn for Paris, but when I'm in Paris, I don't yearn much for the States. There just isn't that much I miss, except for family and friends, customer service and certain foods that you can't get here, like a really good Caesar Salad, pancakes with syrup and New York cheesecake. While there, I was sorely missing a few of the basic little things we take for granted here, such as:
* a small glass of good wine at a small price vs a large glass of bad wine at a high price...
* a rich "café crème" in a ceramic cup at a café where you can sit all day if you like vs a "tall caffe latte" that tastes bitter served in a paper cup at the same price at a noisy Starbucks, the U.S. answer to the French café...
* daily street cleaning vs mountains of garbage in plastic bags awaiting pick-up (Mayor Bloomberg, you should be ashamed of your city sanitation habits!)...
The "bottom line" (which doesn't exist in French or in France), is that as an American in Paris, one must be resigned to having a foot in both worlds...and that 'ain't half bad.' No one place can be a utopia and Paris is far from it, but it takes experiencing both to see the assets and liabilities of each and making the most of both. I had that opportunity with this extensive trip to six cities -- something after 16 years in France was possibly long overdue.
What I learned more than anything, is that money has absolutely nothing to do with any of it. No matter how big and fancy your house or car, no matter how extensive your wardrobe or your jewelry collection, happiness living in a particular place has to do with how that place enriches your life, your soul, your "raison d'être."
My reason for living? You guessed it. Gray Gay Paree.
Adrian Leeds
Editor, Parler Paris
(photo by Erica Simone, Venice Beach, CA)
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The second Tuesday of every month, Parler Paris and French Property Insider readers gather at La Pierre du Marais for a drink and a "schmooze" --It's an opportunity to meet and chat with other like-minded people and a great way to make friends! Costs nothing except whatever you drink. Don't miss the next gathering, Tues, October 12th, 2010 from 3 to 5 p.m. For more information, visit Parler Paris Après Midi
