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Your taste of life in Paris and France
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Wednesday, March 23, 2011 • Paris, France
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I swear the Parisians are getting happier and friendlier.
Or maybe it's just the blue skies and strong sun beaming on their sunglass-clad faces in the parks and at outdoor tables of the cafés that's making them a happier bunch. It could be that the change is in myself that's taken place over the years to approach them in a different way with the ability to make little jokes in French. That seems to make a big difference, too. Whatever it is, it sure is a delight and pleasure!
Last Saturday at lunch at "Au Vieux Châtelet," a café on the corner of the quai de la Mégisserie and Pont au Change, the wait staff was so overly friendly and full of life that I was compelled to ask our waiter why they were all in such good humor. An online reviewer of the same café remarked "This is the place to be if you want to see some rats in the bathroom! The service is very slow and unfriendly. After all this we decided to leave the restaurant without ordering." So, either he didn't have the same wait staff or he didn't know how to get the friendly reaction from them.
Yesterday I went to my bank on the very day it reopened after many months of renovation and the bank clerk presented me with a long stem rose, just for having come to collect my new bank cards. What a surprise that was!
At the post office, one clerk didn't wait for me to advance to the head of the line before coming over to me and asking if he could help me, and with a big smile at that.
What's going on here? I can remember when a woman working at this same post office was worse than the Wicked Witch of the West who would send me out the door in tears. Lord, things have changed!
There is no doubt that all of you either living in Paris or visitors of Paris have stories to tell. Each one of us could write a book about our cultural clashes and some of us actually did -- like Polly Platt (may she rest in peace) who wrote "French or Foe," "Savoir Flair" and "Love à la Française;" Harriet Welty Rochefort who added "French Toast" and "French Fried" to the bookshelf and the one that explains it all from the very roots best, written by Gilles Asselin and Ruth Mastron, "Au Contraire! Figuring Out the French." These books helped a lot to make a path through the maze of cultural barriers. (See
booksaboutfrance.html to add all these to your own bookshelf.)
As a bra-burning feminist of the '70s, flirting with men would have been the LAST thing I'd ever consider, just to get what I wanted. Now I see that's the FIRST thing one must do to get anywhere...in Paris, that is. And actually, flirting is important with any sex, not just men. It's not really 'flirting' though -- it's more about charm than flirtation.
Walk in and stop at the door. Do not enter until someone approaches you and then with a smile say, "Bonjour!" and politely ask either where would they like you to sit or ask if you can take a particular table that you've already scoped out.
Watch how their reaction changes when you put yourself in their hands and respect the fact that you are in THEIR establishment. I bet you will be treated like a king or queen and your whole opinion of the surly waiter will be gone forever. No longer assume that because you are the customer with the money that they should care about you. They don't. They only care if you give them the respect they want and think they deserve. This is so un-American, it's not even funny, right?! Remember, it's not about the money. Your money does not buy you service, respect or much of anything, but disdain, so take money out of the equation. That will take you a long way.
Here's another good trick:
Call a restaurant to make reservations. Open the conversation with "This is... (as if they know you). I am hoping you have a table for of people at on ," and say it in a pathetic, pleading, coy manner. Works almost every time! First, they think they're supposed to know who you are, so they want to show that they do, even though they don't. Then, when you come in, they will immediately 'recognize' you, even if they don't really, plus now that they do, you will be treated like a regular customer and again, you'll be king or queen in the restaurant every time you go.
When shopping, never enter the store without saying "bonjour" and never leave without saying "merci, au revoir." But while you're there, never touch the goods without asking permission! I know this seems really weird, because from our perspective, why would they be in business with wares to sell if the customer can't handle the merchandise. Remember, it's still THEIR merchandise! So, if you respect that and ask in advance, you are sure to get a "yes, of course!" and earn a new level of respect as a customer with class and a fine upbringing.
It's so simple, it's almost a joke, but it makes such a huge difference. So, I'm not sure if Paris has really become friendlier or if it's just my own attitude that has changed their behavior...or maybe it's just that Spring has sprung and the sun is shining brightly on all of us.
Either way, I'm not complaining.
Adrian Leeds
Editor, Parler Paris
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